


Fear

by caomoyl



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Community: HPFT
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-09
Updated: 2016-04-09
Packaged: 2018-06-01 07:25:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 593
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6508447
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/caomoyl/pseuds/caomoyl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I wish I had answers. It kills me not knowing how I feel or why I made the decisions I made. I don’t know what made me do it, or why I thought it was a good idea. None of this makes sense. I'm a coward. A lowly coward who doesn't care about anyone. It hurts knowing that I am. It hurts knowing what I have done. It hurts that they are dead and that it’s my fault. And more than anything, it hurts knowing that they might not be the last.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Fear

The moonlight shines down, lighting my path as I scurry through the undergrowth, my tail catching on stray broken branches. What have I done? They’re going to kill me. 

Only if he doesn't.

The trees are getting thicker, blocking the moonlight. Twigs appear from nowhere, each one looming in the shadows. I must keep moving, or they might find me. Find me … and kill me. Kill me like I killed them; my friends.

He is too strong, I cannot fight him. They think that I should, but it’s impossible. No one can fight him and win. There’s no point trying. You lose. Not just the fight, but your life too. You die with the fear of what will happen to your family and friends. 

My choice wasn't much better though. I abandoned everything I had to stay safe. I threw away years of friendship, years of trust they had in me. I left my family, made them think I was dead. I sacrificed so much for my own personal gain. Was it worth it now that I live in fear?

What’s the point of living like this? I'm going to run away, back to more fear. He’ll know how scared I am of him. He’ll know the cowardly things I've done; my regrets. Will he punish me for staying away and not trying to find him? Will I even be able to find him? Is he still here? 

I can feel him. I don’t know how and I don’t know why. I just can. Broken, but here. It’s like there’s a part of him holding onto life and living in all of us Death Eaters. Or is it just me? Did he know I would try and find him one day?

I can see nothing now. The moonlight is completely blocked by the dense trees now. Every shadow looks deadly, like it could be someone waiting for me. I'm small as a rat; they couldn't possibly see me, could they? My breath is becoming shallower as I turn around in fear, wondering if someone will jump out at me. 

I move on, much slower now, being careful not to make a sound. Every leaf that crunches under my paw makes me flinch and look around to check no one is there to hear it. He wouldn't need to hear it if he was here. He would just know. Know that I am coming, that I am trying to find them. Know that I am only going back to save myself. He would never kill someone who could help. He’s more selfish than me. 

But only just.

I'm asking myself so many questions. Why did I do it? Why didn't I die to protect them? Why is he trying to take over? Why try to kill a small child? What made him a threat to the greatest wizard ever? Why am I going back to him? 

I wish I had answers. It kills me not knowing how I feel or why I made the decisions I made. I don’t know what made me do it, or why I thought it was a good idea. None of this makes sense. I'm a coward. A lowly coward who doesn't care about anyone. It hurts knowing that I am. It hurts knowing what I have done. It hurts that they are dead and that it’s my fault. And more than anything, it hurts knowing that they might not be the last. 

I know why I did it now. I can feel it burning me up inside.

Fear.


End file.
